Hawaii

Ever since I watched Forgetting Sarah Marshall, I've been in love with Turtle Bay Resort in North Oahu, Hawaii.  It's one of my shortest goals; actually going there.  Maybe in a couple of years.  Since this year is the year of change for me, I will have my passport by the end of the year.  Once I go back to work, I'll be able to set up my tax-free savings account and be able to actually save some money.  I'm looking forward to it.  I've been able to save money before but always ended up using it in needy circumstances.

So this is where I want to go.  With the money I'll be saving, I'm gonna spend it on one of three things.  Either a vehicle, a Disney Cruise for Julianna or Hawaii with me and the kids.  I'm pretty sure I'll make some awesome memories on a beach.  Gonna get Julianna to get some hula lessons.  We already know how to say Hello, Goodbye and Thank you. 

I love this picture.  It makes me feel good and gets me excited about the pictures I'll be taking once I get there.  Turtle Bay Resort offers a variety of activities.  I think I will actually go on a helicopter tour around the North Shore. 

So what is your dream for the coming year?  It feels great to actually plan and save for a trip.  I'm looking forward to spending time with my children.  So many times, I've actually done the budgeting for this trip. I'm pretty sure I can do it.  And then when I'm there I can look back and hopefully it will just feel like yesterday that I was talking about this trip.  I can't wait!  :D

Yay!

My Bestest friend is coming to town!  :D  So looking forward to spending some quality time with her and her daughter.

And I get to have Dinner with another awesome friend tonight!  Gonna have some chocolate cake from Casey's and catch up!  It's been months since I've seen her! 

I'm happy today!  :D  Are you happy?

She's totally nuts...

She was diagnosed with bi-polar disorder and schyzophrenia and what did she do when the doctor told her?  She fucken blew up and told the doctor to fuck off and that he was fucken crazy.  Yeah...that might have been considered a confirmation on the diagnosis right there...lol

Anyways...hopefully I'm moving soon.  I'll be glad to get away from her and her psychoticness.  Lord, I hope it ain't contagious!  I applied for a job at Detour Gold in Cochrane.  The only reason I would move there is cause the job has benefits!  They have bonuses too but I'm only interested in the benefits.  I am hoping my son will move with me because he does have a vehicle.  I'll so be worried about my mom though, because my son did live with her.  Maybe she can live in a senior's home or something.  I doubt it.  That woman is always on the go.

I can't wait until I have a bigger place.  Having a one bedroom is cozy but I wouldn't mind my own room.  Looking forward to it.  I'm also looking forward to the new adventures a new town will bring.  I will totally miss Timmies and WalMart.  There is only one Timmies in Cochrane and its quite a wait to be served...lol 

Okay...I think my chocolate pie is done.  :)  I'm gonna stop and take in some sugar!  lol  I'll be back.  :)

Nightmares

It's been 2 months and 3 days since it's happened.  Life is still standing still.  Sometimes, I get so scared when I'm out in public, because I feel like I'm gonna end up running into him again.  I don't know why he isn't in jail yet.  What did I expect of the police though...like seriously?  They're the highest paid police service but if they actually got paid for the job they do, most would be laid off cause they didn't meet the quota or innocent people would be thrown in jail and charged with bogus charges.  Yeah...You get what you pay for.  In life. and at the stores. 

Never in my life did I think this would happen again.  I thought I was safe and that if it happened to you...it wouldn't happen again.  Man...I was wrong.  I'm glad I didn't bet on it...Otherwise I'd be broke too. 

I'm off work now...Only for a few weeks.  Trying to get a new perspective on things.  I should be concentrating on making myself well, but the nightmares piss me off.  I feel angry.  And the nightmares aren't about what happened, but about things happening to the people I love.  The recent one really got to me.  I woke up crying and held Julianna for a couple of hours.  Why am I having nightmares?  SEriously???  Like what happened wasn't bad enough...now it has to invade my thoughts and my life. 

BLEH!  That's what I think.  Sometimes I'm angry...Sometimes I'm depressed...Sometimes I just don't fucken care.  Sometimes I wish I had a gun so I could just go on a fucken shooting spree and shoot everyone I think deserves to die.  I see woman beaters downtown, fucken whores stealing from innocent people and people who just aren't nice at all.  Now I really shouldn't say things like this...but I'm angry and let's face it...everyone thinks shit like this once in awhile.  Then I picture life without my kids and it hurts to breathe.  SEriously....I gasp for air....its like its them that are keeping me alive.  They live...I live.  It's like a package deal.  I can remember both of them being born...I remember the exact moment.  lol fricken mothers aye....remember everything...lol

I feel better.  I rant and I rave and I just lose my head for a second but my kids always bring me back.  Thank God!  Anyways....calm....and peace....finally feeling it.  I hate feeling these waves of emotions.  It actually pisses me off.  I can be calm and serene one moment and then a thought ends up in my mind and I'll just fucken lose it.  Like Seriously...give me more antidepressents...lol

Anyways....Yeah...I think I'm done now...so yeah.....I'm gonna chill...have some pop...and dream about that jello chocolate pudding oreo pie I'm gonna make tomorrow.  :D  I've probably gained like 15 pounds but like...as if i care!  lmfao  Seriously!!!  Anyways....I'll talk to you later.