Why Do I Feel This Way

So something happened on Monday. Wasn't expecting it. But it did. And I've been hiding out ever since. And I know it's not my fault but all I feel is shame and embarrassment. Like why did it get to that? Thankfully the kids weren't home when it happened but now I feel scared. I keep setting the alarm. I'm glad the kids haven't realized how scared I am. But I feel so torn. And most of the time I want to cry. And I know I should go to the police but I'm so scared. How can someone you know and trusted turn 180 degrees and become such a monster? How do I turn this around? I know what I have to do but I don't think I can. And what's worse is that I feel so alone. I need help. Who do you go to?

TRIGGER WARNING!!!!

Trigger Warning! 

Christina Perri - A Thousand Years (Lyrics) 🎵

In Loving Memory

David Willam Frank Sutherland

June 22, 1939 - July 22, 2012

My Uncle David passed away on Sunday, July 22nd, 2012 at 8:27 p.m.  He was a great man.  A lot of people may have thought different but he always came to visit me when I lived in Moose Factory.  I cried a lot before he passed but I still shed tears when I heard the news.  David couldn't read real well.  When the Government changed the process for driver's license, my uncle went to go get his license right away.  He came over and he sat at the table with my dad while my dad told him what the book said.  They were at it for hours.  Then my Uncle David went home and he said he stayed up all night looking at the pictures.  The next day he went for his G license and he got it right away.  He came to the house to tell us.  He was so very proud.  I always thought of my Uncles.  I always felt bad for moving away because I was worried about who would take care of them.  I always did their taxes and called places for Uncle David.  I always bought them stuff.  I never stop thinking about them.  I always worry, but now I don't have to worry for Uncle David.  He is now reunitied with his siblings, who have gone on before him.  I will miss you Uncle David.  <3

Hawaii

Ever since I watched Forgetting Sarah Marshall, I've been in love with Turtle Bay Resort in North Oahu, Hawaii.  It's one of my shortest goals; actually going there.  Maybe in a couple of years.  Since this year is the year of change for me, I will have my passport by the end of the year.  Once I go back to work, I'll be able to set up my tax-free savings account and be able to actually save some money.  I'm looking forward to it.  I've been able to save money before but always ended up using it in needy circumstances.

So this is where I want to go.  With the money I'll be saving, I'm gonna spend it on one of three things.  Either a vehicle, a Disney Cruise for Julianna or Hawaii with me and the kids.  I'm pretty sure I'll make some awesome memories on a beach.  Gonna get Julianna to get some hula lessons.  We already know how to say Hello, Goodbye and Thank you. 

I love this picture.  It makes me feel good and gets me excited about the pictures I'll be taking once I get there.  Turtle Bay Resort offers a variety of activities.  I think I will actually go on a helicopter tour around the North Shore. 

So what is your dream for the coming year?  It feels great to actually plan and save for a trip.  I'm looking forward to spending time with my children.  So many times, I've actually done the budgeting for this trip. I'm pretty sure I can do it.  And then when I'm there I can look back and hopefully it will just feel like yesterday that I was talking about this trip.  I can't wait!  :D

Yay!

My Bestest friend is coming to town!  :D  So looking forward to spending some quality time with her and her daughter.

And I get to have Dinner with another awesome friend tonight!  Gonna have some chocolate cake from Casey's and catch up!  It's been months since I've seen her! 

I'm happy today!  :D  Are you happy?

She's totally nuts...

She was diagnosed with bi-polar disorder and schyzophrenia and what did she do when the doctor told her?  She fucken blew up and told the doctor to fuck off and that he was fucken crazy.  Yeah...that might have been considered a confirmation on the diagnosis right there...lol

Anyways...hopefully I'm moving soon.  I'll be glad to get away from her and her psychoticness.  Lord, I hope it ain't contagious!  I applied for a job at Detour Gold in Cochrane.  The only reason I would move there is cause the job has benefits!  They have bonuses too but I'm only interested in the benefits.  I am hoping my son will move with me because he does have a vehicle.  I'll so be worried about my mom though, because my son did live with her.  Maybe she can live in a senior's home or something.  I doubt it.  That woman is always on the go.

I can't wait until I have a bigger place.  Having a one bedroom is cozy but I wouldn't mind my own room.  Looking forward to it.  I'm also looking forward to the new adventures a new town will bring.  I will totally miss Timmies and WalMart.  There is only one Timmies in Cochrane and its quite a wait to be served...lol 

Okay...I think my chocolate pie is done.  :)  I'm gonna stop and take in some sugar!  lol  I'll be back.  :)